Diary of Addison Barrow, Actress: Complete

[ReidVParticipant]

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B9sb7-AI54JZVWlrWkxNd1N1NWs

[ReidVParticipant]

It’s worth noting that several pages have been ripped out, you all have my word that I did not remove any pages, or mark/change the journal in any way. This is exactly how the diary was presented to me, and its contents are as new to me as they are to you.

[111_errorParticipant]

Now that’s how you drop a fucking motherland of information. Nicely played.

.. still working, no time to read, sporadically glancing..

[edit] This is fucked. Damn.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  111_error.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  111_error.

[Anonymous]

Max, thank you so much for taking the time to do this.

[_Michael GrayParticipant]

Time to get some morning reading in before I slam my face into a pillow… Thanks Max!!!

[_Michael GrayParticipant]

Oooh… “Nobody told the smiling man where I lived.” ~Addison
Very interesting so far…

[Addison BornParticipant]

Anyone want to help transcribe into a doc? Let me know and I’ll shoot you an invite to a google doc when I get to work, if a few people took 10-15 pages it should be quick work!

[AH-layParticipant]

@addisonborn Can you see all of them? Some of those pages I cannot read at all, too blurry.

[EziParticipant]

@addisonborn I am busy doing so since earlier, am about halfway done and there are a few pics that I can’t make out everything. Will post when it’s completed (should be another 2 hours or so)

[Addison BornParticipant]

Oh awesome. Thank you!!

[EziParticipant]

Okay, transcript is done, but google docs messed up the editing so I need to go through page by page to fix it. Will be up soon. @atticus360, if you could update the red marked areas with what is in the actual journal if possible? Can someone else edit my document if I upload it? I have no idea how this works.

[MelissaModerator]

Hi @lenize on the upper right hand corner of your google doc should be a blue “share” icon. Just make sure to change the settings that you want and that should work.

[EziParticipant]

Thanks! I think I got the settings sorted for when I post the link!

[MikeParticipant]

Thank you @atticus360

This was really cool to read and get a “behind the scenes” point of view at some of the things we’ve all been involved in.

-Gatekeepers sit at a desk!
-the computer room sounds like the Jonestown radio room

Also, one thing she says sticks out to me. I know this is in regards to her parents, but if she’s saying this about her parents, who’s to say the same isn’t happening to us – “Anything to keep them from the truth”

[Andrew KaschParticipant]

Thanks for all the pages, @atticus360!

For the record, I thought your community art project idea was neat and I had fun with my page. Sorry you came under so much drama.

[Andrew KaschParticipant]

Just read the whole thing. A few pivotal pages were so blurry, I could only make a few words out…

…but damn.

Was 4 going to kill even those of us who stood with her?

Ironic how so many here condemned Addison and even jumped ship because of her actions when she actually saved their lives. All of our lives.

[DimStyleParticipant]

with you 100% @kasch. I could never trust 4

There was always something off with 4. A few thought she was just bold and wanted to speak her mind. To me, she seemed like someone who had been up for 3 days on meth.

[Hazel CloudParticipant]

I agree. My impression was that 4 was erratic and… perhaps, medicated.

[MikeParticipant]

See, I don’t buy this at all. We have a girl, who through her own writing, seems to go crazy. There’s signs of possible mental issues/schizophrenia/manic/depression based on her writings and writing style. It’s hard for me to swallow that what she said is 100% truth and said with a clear, mental state. So hearing someone say Four was going to kill everyone, after she showed such affection in previous diary entries, doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t believe that she is saving our lives…I think she needs help, but different “help” that some of the community was trying to give her.

[DimStyleParticipant]

@mike I think you are right to a point. 4 was driving her crazy with her “teachings”. I believe @gatekeeper2 (now) was able to see that. She was able to see what 4’s intentions were and (I believe) acted out against 4 before she could carry out her plans.

Addison expressed her love for 4 and I have no doubt it was real. I feel a master and servant relationship began to take the place of a normal friendship (or typical leader/ follower) where 4 (the master) had complete control over Addison in directing how, what and when she would learn. Once she started to see into the true person that 4 was and that 4 was only going to use her as a tool for her end game, Addison took powers into her own hands (with the assistance of others to be named?) to ensure that 4 didn’t carry out her plan of “killing everyone”.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  DimStyle.

[Andrew KaschParticipant]

I was a huge 4 supporter and right before the end, she asked me to stand with her.
But I was never blind to her ruthlessness. There was a definite dark side to her and initiating a total “purge” does not seem out of character.

That said, I have to confess that when she put me in the “Helmet of Clairty,” it didn’t seem to scramble my brains the way it did poor Addison but that’s neither here nor there.

I think time has shown that the deaths of 3 and 4 were absolutely necessary – even if poor @thebuz and @gatekeeper2 had to pay a heavy emotional price. We’re all alive because of them and I owe them my thanks.

[Hazel CloudParticipant]

Wasn’t this due to the helmet? I think, when lucid, we see Addison. It seems we loose her when she’s… under influence.

[DimStyleParticipant]

@atticus360 and thank you from me as well. Your idea was a great one…to speak and express the words of @gatekeeper2 umm…I mean Addison, in our own way. As a community. Time I guess was not on our side

[ReidVParticipant]

@dimstyle I know I wasent able to get you a page in time, but I think some of us would love to see you do a video anyways 😃

[DimStyleParticipant]

@atticus360 maybe I will! It seems others around here have displayed much more talent than me though! Maybe I will pick a random page and do a video in the near future.

[ReidVParticipant]

Thanks for the kind words guys, I’m glad everythings cleared up and we can peruse this thing!

If you want some better pics taken (funny story I did these in case the diary was taken from me) just tell me which.

[EziParticipant]

@atticus360 I’m trying to do a transcript and the pages I’m struggling with most is (by my numbers) 26, 40, 43 (page marker obscuring a bit), 52, 54 (has corner missing). Those are the ones I can’t make out a lot of pieces.

[ReidVParticipant]

So upon looking at the diary, this is what I’m wondering…

-why are there missing pages? Who has them if anyone? Especially the ones about Gatekeeper 1…
-Gatekeeper 1 is someone we’ve never seen… yet terrifies even four. Is he the darkness we must go through to reach Anoch’s light?
-Why is Addison running now? The only reason I can think is somethings at home waiting for her….

[DimStyleParticipant]

@atticus360 my first thought as to where the missing pages are came from the idary. Addison did mention that 4 found the diary and I believe something to the fact that she knows everything or read everything.

My guess is that 4 did a bit of editing.

As for 1 well, I think it was @mike that brought up a point…everything was referencing The One, not Gatekeeper 1 or just 1. That seems odd given the past in referring to Gatekeepers.

My question would be is there a Gatekeeper 1 to be followed by The One or are they one in the same? Since Gatekeeper 1 would (I assume) hold the highest position amoung Gatekeepers is The One and Gatekeeper 1 interchangeable?

Could 5 and 4 been so afraid of 1 for other reasons? Has @gatekeeper2 Expressed concern for 1 before? the same way as 4 and 5 did? I really dont know…maybe someone else has a better memory than I do.

[GATEKEEPER2Keymaster]

@mike I need to offer some clarity but I can only give this message for now as they are after us and we need to keep moving.

To All of you, even though its painful to see that time in her life I have enjoyed watching you interpret her words with such passion and creativity. It was a wonderful idea and very generous of you @atticus360!

Michael, the words are real. I know it’s hard to let go especially when you two had such a personal relationship. No one gets that more than me Michael. That is who she was. I didn’t want this to distract you (or anyone) from the path but now that the pages are out there I can not deny them. There has been enough of that around here and it’s time for truth.

@reaton, I chose you as The Scribe so that Michael could heal and wouldn’t be lost in his subjectivity or pain from her loss. You need to know that I never intended you to to transcribe the exact words from the my lessons, I only desired that give us a few words as to WHAT you thought the book’s parables mean to YOU and to US.

I have to go. Stay on your path, let in the Light and feel comfort knowing that, I can assure you, The ONE is coming!

TWO

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  GATEKEEPER2.

[111_errorParticipant]

I’ll always miss Addison, I wish there was something more I could have done.

[ReidVParticipant]

@111error you could still help her… she’s in there still, and needs support more than ever.

[MikeParticipant]

@gatekeeper2 – thank you for reaching out, but I feel I’m being misunderstood.

My comments about your past entries are just how I took your writings (and writings alone) without being in your situation. That’s my interpretation. Yes, I was/am a Four follower, but even if I wasn’t, based on your diary writings alone, I would be saying the same thing. I like to theorize and without knowing you or being you, going through these situations, everything has to be a theory, because who knows what the truth is or has been.

I think all of us would appreciate some truth, but even the truth isn’t the truth to all. I look forward to what you have planned next.

[RustyParticipant]

@gatekeeper2 I am glad to see you reach out in the community after the sudden ending of your lesson. Glad to see you have the time to do so. I wish you well.

I never took my task to be a simple transcription process, this is the first time I have done this. You know that your lesson came at a late hour and I was simply trying to offer a convenient service to the community. Quite simply, I could not sleep for various reasons, so I took my time to offer that.

Since you contacted me, I have done my best to do as you have asked of me. I have offered my take on what you have shared. What your lessons mean to me… my impression is that the past reflects the present and future… a key point in my interpretation. Please know that I do not take your words said to me in private lightly, and I will continue to offer my thoughts…

[Hazel CloudParticipant]

Glory Be. Two has made her choice.

[DimStyleParticipant]

Does anyone have an idea as to who “they” are?

[MikeParticipant]

It could be anyone at this point. The BoS? The OOA now that what she’s seen has been made public?

[DimStyleParticipant]

Yeah, I could go 50/50 on this. The BoS for obvious reasons. The OOA “old guard” shall we call them because of the wayward path the OOA was taking and @gatekeeper2 is trying to bring the OOA back onto it’s original and intended path to light?

[BlondieParticipant]

You’re assuming that someone is actually after her…

[DimStyleParticipant]

If you are assuming she is crazy then you would also have to assume the other person is as well.

Whatever happened to Mark? The one from her diary that tried to get her away from the OOA? I came in late to Tension but I do remember his name somewhere. Whatever bacame of him? Could he be the voice on the other side of the camera?

[Addison BornParticipant]

We were told that Mark suffered an apparently self-inflicted and likely life ending injury from @reaton and @111error, who got a call from Tom.

[Mustafa SaidParticipant]

@blondiecamps in the previous periscope it was stated in German that “they are coming” and also this:

“THEY WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING, ONLY TAKE THE BOOK.”

I can’t interpret that as anything else other than @gatekeeper2 being hinted by someone.

[MikeParticipant]

I’m feeling the same way, it could go either way. I keep putting scenarios in my head and they’re all wacky

For example: BoS has always wanted to help Addison based on what we’ve seen, but what if they wanted to help her for their own reasons and not to actually help. Maybe they knew Addison would become a Gatekeeper and wanted her alliance much like III? Now that she didn’t align herself with them, maybe they’re after her to try and end the OOA before The One comes?

Or the OOA, maybe because she’s “exposing” them? But, she’s a Gatekeeper now. She said she’s putting things back on track with the OOA, so why would they be after her?

Or maybe it’s Tom (her dad) and/or Benny (still no confirmation he killed himself) after her? Tom can obviously track people down based on his ability to find parties he wasn’t invited to.

Or maybe it’s Sadie (I wonder if her real name was Susan ;))? It could be someone(s) we haven’t even met before.

[BlondieParticipant]

Or maybe she’s a paranoid schizophrenic…

[RustyParticipant]

@mumumusings and @mike… here’s another “wacky” theory. We began all as one community… we all came to this for similar reasons and then things unfolded that made each of us doubt certain people or groups and their motivations.

@mumumusings your statement of “being hunted by someone” combined with your mention of Tom made me think, what if we are all wrong? What if we are about to encounter something or someone who feels everything should be destroyed… from the BoS to the OOA to all affiliated with any of it? Is One feared so heavy because One is the end of everything before One? There’s a whole fire & brimstone vibe to this thought. (I admit… this is a half-baked idea in my own head, for sure.) But rather than being the end for everyone but The Chosen… what if we are heading toward the end of everything we know?

Wow… I woke up in a dark place! Haha!

[Addison BornParticipant]

Finally finished reading through the journal, what a roller coaster. I’m now disappointed in myself for rooting for GK4 when she went rogue, and I feel like I’m a little closer to understanding Addison/@gatekeeper2’s actions.

This does not put the OOA in a good light.. I’m reading it as GK5 using the OOA’s space and opening up a dorm as a way to prey on at-risk women in the name of bolstering the OOA’s ranks. Stripping their new recruits of their names as a way to reformat their identities and become the mental slaves of the OOA. Disallowing social media to disconnect them from the outside world and encouraging the sharing of secrets in order to break them down and encourage trust from within the organization? Sounds a little like brainwashing, and a little like another SoCal family.

Knowing Four was planning on “cleansing” everyone, even witnesses, is by no means comforting, but also not totally out of character. We know we’re playing with fire when it comes to either side, but especially the OOA when it was managed by Four. I rooted for the chaos she brought, but only in the hopes that she would bring a wave of change from within the organization. Yes, that change would’ve come, but it would’ve been a broader change than I was comfortable with.

After reading this, I’m wondering what I’m even doing on the fence anymore. I’ve been hoping for enlightenment this whole time, and this journal has given it to me. I’m now seeing that the Gatekeepers are using their position to take advantage of their followers. I’ve been hoping for change from the OOA, as I’ve been generally unhappy with their direction for the past few months. Now it’s been confirmed that bloodshed is the only form of change happening within the OOA. The leadership is operating under fear of the one to come next. We’ve seen them erase the hopeful actress that was Addison Barrow and replace her with one more self-serving Gatekeeper (though a Gatekeeper who’s been ever so kind as to take a few minutes out of her vacation to read bedtime stories to us rather than give us the explicit context and clarity we’ve been looking for.)

We’ve now seen the goings on of the OOA, and @gatekeeper2 has done nothing to change the course of the organization despite all she’s been through. At this point the only way to find the light I’m looking for is through the BoS. Hope they have one more seat at their table.

[Mustafa SaidParticipant]

And the BOS get one person stronger…

[BlondieParticipant]

Well said @addisonborn <3

[AH-layParticipant]

Glad one more is able to see the OOA for what they are @addisonborn

[111_errorParticipant]

You have been observed, AddisonBorn.

You’ve made a bold statement, and I can understand why the diary affected you like this.

I will always miss Addison Barrow.

[Michael RizzoParticipant]

Your post is drawing attention from some big people, we all support what you choose

[Addison BornParticipant]

@rizzzoooooo y’all know where to find me!

[MikeParticipant]

Dear OOA,
Are you seeing and realizing how successful BoS recruitment has been lately? Aren’t you worried that they will take all of your Apostles? Despite my feelings towards the BoS, you have to give them credit. They have convinced many people to switch sides. They have Sentinel leading them and assumingly sharing important information. They have some of the most active people in their ranks and it seems you’re not doing anything to try and combat that. People always want to belong and right now, BoS is making that feeling easier for many people.

Give us something. Give the fence sitters and the OOA loyalists a reason to stay and fight in your name. I know there is a Gatekeeper trying to teach us right now, but history lessons don’t work when you’re trying to fight the “coolness” of an underground exclusive group that people want to be a part of. I have hope there’s some good left there (@regent7 perhaps?). We’ve been told the war is beginning, but I don’t see any shots coming from the OOA Please…something….help us help you.

[Addison BornParticipant]

@mike for me personally, this isn’t about being in a cool exclusive underground group (though I’m sure BoS has cool tee shirts)

For me, this decision is about finding what I’ve been looking for. The OOA has definitely taught me things, though lessons in being predatory and manipulative and dodging anything resembling a straight or truthful answer is not what I’m looking for.

I’ve learned that I disagree fundamentally with the decisions being made by the people running the show at the OOA. The journal has obviously been edited to OOA spec by whoever had it after Addison, and it still stirred feelings that don’t sit well with me. I can’t imagine what was said on the pages that were removed.

THAT is why I’m aligned with Sentinel – not because I want to be cool, but because I’m no longer woo’d by the carrots the OOA dangles in front of us.

[Michael RizzoParticipant]

😘

[MikeParticipant]

@addisonborn – that wasn’t directed at you It was more of…know when you joke with people and you say something like…oh that’s the cool kids table lol. It was along those lines. Granted maybe people are joining for that reason, but I wasn’t implying that you were one of them.

I do disagree with your assumptions “journal has obviously been edited”, “knowing Four was planning on cleansing everyone”. etc. We do not know these things. The journal being edited is an opinion (granted yes, the OOA or anyone could have taken specific pages out for a reason, but maybe Addison did for some reason also) and the Four thing is being said by a girl who seemed to be not quite right in the head, so who knows about that as well.

[Addison BornParticipant]

@mike luckily the author of the journal is also the current standing gatekeeper, so maybe she can tell us if it’s been edited, and if so, who removed them, what was said, and why the pages were removed? Since it went from her hands to the hands of the OOA, she should have this knowledge, no?

@gatekeeper2 , any thoughts on what was removed, clarity on why the pages were removed, or another cryptic reading from the Book of Anoch?

[MikeParticipant]

Good point! Maybe this is some of the truth she was telling us was coming?

[RustyParticipant]

@addisonborn and @mike and @rizzzoooooo This little exchange is fascinating to me. @addisonborn, your words about the journal, I relate and understand to what you point out, but reach a different conclusion. This conversation seems to point to our interpretations of what has been unfolding and things the journal revealed. @mike, yes it seems the BoS may appear a bit more “on point” with their recent statements that have swayed some people to their ranks. I believe @gatekeeper2 is doing the same thing but through the use of parable and lessons. Different tools, yes, different methods, yes. We can argue all day about what is effective or not… and indeed the evidence is mounting for each side. @rizzzoooooo I feel @addisonborn‘s thoughts got the attention of big people everywhere. This is a time when our choices and voices mean something to everyone who reads them.

[EziParticipant]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1teFzihtKbVmg-Qw8jd22CnTdNY0ZxgnVMkN7xAybpdg/edit?usp=sharing

Here is the Journal transcript everything in red is what I couldn’t make out or guessed so if you could maybe just edit those @atticus360 from what is actually in the journal then it will be complete. I guessed something correctly just change it to black!

Also it might be nice if a moderator could add it to the top of the thread if newcomers are looking for it!

I hope that it was set correctly so everyone can access it and edit it and stuff, let me know if it’s not working please! I also guessed at the color of pen used, so feel free to change that it I was inacurate!

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  Ezi.

[MelissaModerator]

Hey @lenize, I can’t move stuff to the top however I can certainly add to the compendium which is sticky near the top of Interactions Topic.

[EziParticipant]

Sure, feel free to add it however it would be most usefull!

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

There is no less dramatic way to put this… Addison Barrow’s Journal has been haunting me. Maybe *you* are haunted too and this is why you have not reacted publicly. I just hope your silence isn’t a result of apathy. What I’m feeling for Addison is sadness, compassion and a wish that she could have reached out and accepted help before things got so out of hand. I’ve heard others express disgust and impatience, accusing her of suffering mental illness, or being a master manipulator. I doubt I’ll change your minds. I just don’t see it the way you do.

The journal I read was the story of a naive young woman. All she had wanted was to be come to L.A. and be an actress. This goal might seem shallow or petty to many of us, but it’s certainly not so heinous that she deserved what she ultimately got behind the doors of The OOA Institute. They groomed her to be one of them. It was a classic indoctrination. Giving her gifts and compliments with nothing expected in return. She was an easy mark… She had been so alone, desperate and depressed. We would all like to believe we would not have fallen for such transparent tricks… Don’t be so sure. In a moment of weakness even the strongest of us can fall. Belonging is a comfort. OOA is a place where you will be assured you belong. The problem is, at what price? Unfortunately Addison Barrow has experienced “the price.” She is now a murderer. Whether it was justified or not is not a topic I wish to address at this time.

What I do know… If she was my sister or my daughter, I would not turn my back on her. I’m not giving up hope for Addison Barrow.

(“You” is all of you, not one specific person.)

[111_errorParticipant]

@electrichippo None of this tumbleweed reaction surprises me. Russell and I have been very upfront with the messages Addison gave us, about her asking for help, the pain of the helmet, how she felt it was changing her, etc. We were met with a reaction of being told she has autonomy, she can choose what she wants for herself, she’s a strong woman that doesn’t need rescuing, etc.

I don’t know how much of Addison is left to save. If she’s still in there, then the same people that were always looking out for her still are.

[MelissaModerator]

I think what really worries me @111error is that @gatekeeper2 already indicated in previous periscope that she knows how this will all end. Remember that periscope? She said that and looked resigned/sad. Like a “eh, this is what I signed up for so…”

I just have a bad feeling she will not give us any options to help her at this point. That whatever will occur we’re going to just have to sit back and witness. :-/

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

@111error: Do you personally feel at all purposefully manipulated by the girl that was Addison Barrow or the person now known as @gatekeeper2? I don’t feel you have been, Morgan, but I’d like your opinion.

@reaton: How about you? Has Addison Barrow manipulated you? Has @gatekeeper2?

[111_errorParticipant]

@electrichippo I guess my thought is, manipulated to do what? The only thing she ever asked me to do was not to reveal her personal email address or Skype handle.
As for Russell, she recently asked him to be her Scribe, which is something she must know would mean a great deal to him, but is also a role he likely would have accepted with no coercion at all.

We don’t know what happens next, and the last thing Addison said to me was that she will lead me through the darkness. The journal has further exposed the O.O.A. and a message passed to a participant says time is up, while Addison gets hunted live on Periscope.

This isn’t going have a fairytale ending.

[RustyParticipant]

@electrichippo Interesting question, Kim. But, no, I do not feel manipulated. My communication with Addison has been sincere and brief almost every time there has been contact. I feel I caught glimpses into someone or something that was evolving. Nothing in the diary really changes that opinion.

@111error makes a valid point, the evidence now points to a very dark and unhappy conclusion for some of us. I still believe @gatekeeper2 is doing her best to do the best for this community.

That is where I stand right now. Thank you for asking the question, Kim, it is interesting food for thought.

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

@reaton: If @gatekeeper2 wants to teach by The Book of Anoch, while also removing all the abusive practices of The OOA Institute, then I don’t currently see a reason I’d feel a need to stand in her way. The Book of Anoch, minus the cult-like practices of the OOA, appears to be nothing more than a religion following it’s own bible. I have no interest in blocking others from their choice of God inasmuch as that choice doesn’t bring harm to others.

Either way it seems @gatekeeper2 won’t get a chance to (potentially) do good for much longer. The One is coming and if history serves this necessitates the removal of 2. Who’s to say what One will bring. All we know is others have feared him. What I know is One has already turned his head towards me in displeasure.

[DimStyleParticipant]

@electrichippo the others were removed because they didn’t pursue the path to light but used their position to pervert the faithful and use the OOA for their own agenda.

[Michael RizzoParticipant]

@dimstyle I would argue that actually none of them were removed, more so that they left on their own. 5 was very chill and left on his own terms for his next step in enlightenment and to make room for 4. 4 dipped out on her own will because she wasn’t feeling the OOA and wanted to “reset” it. 3 dipped out because he wanted to destroy the OOA and join up with BOS. Now we have two, she seems to be the only one that the OOA is actually trying to remove themselves.

[RustyParticipant]

@electrichippo I personally find @gatekeeper2‘s choice to use the Book of Anoch as this tool is interesting and I can only hope it will become clearly over the next few weeks. I believe she is trying to help all of us, not bring harm. (I am commenting… I do NOT think you are insinuating that in your post in any way.) She seems aware that something violent may be approaching. Since she is obviously a target right now, of someone, I can only come to the conclusion there may be power she has or can access to alter the course we have seen unfold in the past. Maybe that’s why she is a target and maybe that’s why One is feeling rushed to do something. (if One or One’s followers- whoever that may be – feel any pressure.)
Just a weird theory floating around in my head.

[MelissaModerator]

@electrichippo I can see that interpretation but there are pages missing. Makes me wonder who ripped them out? Regent 7? Addison? ~four?

I’ve personally been silent because I don’t know what to think about Addison anymore. It does seem she fell into a cult, molded and shaped into what she is now. The portion about TORTURE and the helmet reference really disturb me. Yet, here she is now, hell bent on releasing information and in great danger of the OSDM (?) trying to stop her. It seems to me regardless of faction we side with we all seem to have a common goal, to help her.

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

@mkarrett:

I agree, the missing pages are concerning. I’d like to know who took them and why, but I don’t feel that anything on those pages will greatly change my mind in regards to the victimization of Addison Barrow.

Also agreed that that helmet is a disturbing device. Sentinel told me ages ago that the Hood of Clarity is the tool the OOA uses to change who people are. It is said to empty the mind and allow new information to be placed inside. Four placed her messages inside Addison Barrow and a metamorphosis occurred, followed by a series of disturbed thoughts (per journal) and events (that we’ve witnessed).

Do we really “all seem to have a common goal” of wanting to help her? I’m really not sure this is true.

[MelissaModerator]

I should probably clarify about the singular goal of saving Addison. You’re right, that isn’t the literal case. I don’t think anyone here wants to see Addison/TWO being eradicated by this faction who seems to be not happy about her releasing information within the Book of Anoch.

So either you want to extract her from this situation or what to see her follow through her goal. I think loosely there’s a singular goal but the outcomes are waaaaaay different.

[MichelleParticipant]

@electrichippo

I too have been silent on the diary. I’ve been trying to process everything I’ve read. Haunted is the perfect word – not overdramatic in the least. I’ve read it over maybe 3 times and still am not sure what I’m feeling. I’m still processing all of this. I’m lurking the boards, reading, and thinking. I’ve been a longtime fence sitter. But, without revealing anything, for the first time, I’m feeling a pull towards one side. I just want to make sure that I’m choosing what’s right for me… I certainly do not want to be someone who chooses and then jumps ship. Once my choice is made, it is final.

My silence does not equate apathy though.

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

@halfbloodfangirl: It’s a comfort of sorts to know I’m not the only one who had this reaction to the diary. Personally, I feel not choosing is a valid choice, and I do respect your desire to be certain before stating allegiance. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

[RustyParticipant]

@halfbloodfangirl and @electrichippo I have also been relatively quiet, not offering many comments on the diary pages. Not for lack of concern or interest but due to personal point of view. I read passages and I sense that there are areas where I received a brief phone call from the Addison of that moment… the girl who’s head hurt, or the girl who knew everything was improving and going to be okay. And was listening to upbeat danceable music.

Michelle, the diary can be persuasive no matter what you think may be “right.” I feel we cannot determine what we are seeing in these words… Believe what you feel. Girl manipulated and victimized? I understand why some see that and it is a compelling narrative. However, look at what we see unfolding today. A girl hunted because she apparently threatens… something or someone? To me that indicates she is a source of power.

Kim, interesting you were told early on about the Hood of Clarity. We have had indication it transforms an individual, yes… but, because of information they are being fed as they wear it or does it enhance abilities the wearer already has? I don’t think the diary can answer that even as it reflects an obviously confused person affected by wearing it.

This diary is not an answer, in my opinion, it is a clue.

[MelissaModerator]

@reaton

I want to lean towards the idea that this diary is a clue but pages are missing. I feel this diary may actually be more misleading than anything.

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

@mkarrett: You feel the journal is misleading due to maybe 4 or 5 missing pages? Some of which might not have had anything written on the torn off part? Or is there some other reason you feel the journal is misleading?

[MelissaModerator]

@electrichippo I just feel that those pages are missing for a reason. Someone is hiding information and what we have right now may be leading us to the wrong conclusion*. Sure, it COULD be as simple as “oh, my pen exploded, I’m going to tear off the page”. But there is a page where we see partial writing. There’s stuff missing and I’m just….wary of the journal.

This is going to be a dumb analogy but it’s the first thing that comes to my head. I see a report that says “0.22% blood ethanol”. That’s all I get so, I presume that’s the blood ethanol is actually 0.22%. However, once I get my hands on the chromatograms and I see the ethanol peak is not completely resolved with another interfering compound, no effing way can I conclude that the blood ethanol is actually 0.22%.

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

@mkarrett: It’s not a dumb analogy at all, it’s just that blood is going to be a much more precise and objective measurable than journal pages. Unless those ripped off parts say “YOU’VE BEEN TROLLED, FAKE JOURNAL HAHAHAHA AND AHAHAHAH.” or “I am Addison Barrow I am a diagnosed sociopath and I suffer paranoid schizophrenia, nothing I say can be trusted…” Extreme examples, but the point is, how much would it take for the missing parts to make the rest of the journal a misleading document that can’t be trusted? If there is some conspiracy to keep those pages from us, I’d guess it was OOA that took them to protect themselves, but of course I would, right?

[MikeParticipant]

The thing is, everything is just opinion right now. Even saying that Addison wrote all of it. I think there was a point where it was not her writing anymore. Now, that could mean someone was controlling her thoughts/writings, something going on inside her brain (split personality), or it could mean that physically someone else was writing it (which I don’t think due to GK2 saying that it was hers). The ripped pages could be so many things and yes, I agree that the missing pages *could* have been ripped out by the OOA…but they also *could* be ripped out by Addison because of a painful memory she may not want to live through again or like @mkarrett said, they *could* be ripped out for a specific reason that’s bigger than all of that. It could be anything really. Personally, I’m curious what’s on those missing pages, but I’m not holding that against the other 60+ pages to have an opinion on it and her.

[MelissaModerator]

@mike even her artwork* changes over time. Noticed that?

*the diamond with a x in the middle

[MelissaModerator]

@electrichippo, I just struggle with the random pages gone missing. I kept journals and don’t recall just going in there and tearing out pages. Especially ones with written information. Something is up. Then again (here’s a bit of OOG) perhaps Tension has done a good job of indoctrinating me of “this isn’t what it seems”.

[MelissaModerator]

@electrichippo I went back and re-read the journal and there’s something I want to point out. 4-5 pages aren’t missing.

At minimum there’s 24 pages/page sections torn.

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

@mkarrett: I will take your word for it. I was going off my interpretation of the comments regarding missing/torn pages in the transcription. This doesn’t change my mind though, I still feel that page image I posted in this thread is quite compelling as to why the pages might have been ripped out.

[EziParticipant]

@electrichippo I only noted torn pages in my transcription when they had something written on them, as there were a lot of them to contend with in between almost every page or two, but @mkarrett I also think that most of them could have been taken out by 4 when she was “clearing her thoughts” and maybe didn’t want her to read about things in the diary that would be bad for the process she was trying to do with the helmet? (I’m surprised there is less mention of Mark in a normal dating, non-OOA sense which is something that seems to have happened but we didn’t see her write of it. Maybe that could be something that was censored?)

[MelissaModerator]

@lenize, as you pointed out earlier that specific page certainly makes it sound like ~four removed pages in effort to clear Addison. But then why keep stuff about her father or mother? Like why not just wipe her mind completely?

Also, second to last page “she has read everything” makes it sound like only then ~four (or some other female) got access to her journal? Or the pages that she previously ripped out? That doesn’t really make sense to tear stuff out and read it much later though…

[EziParticipant]

@mkarrett Yeah, it is weird. I originally interpreted it as four having read the previous page of how she would “kill one to save many” and how something else seemed to be speaking with/through her as well (“I am more than she is training me to become”), but just now I was thinking, if four read that and knew that she was planning on killing four, why take her with to that meeting.

Another interpretation I thought could be that 4 thought Addison was ready to kill III to save many and saw that she was ready to become 2 because of what was read on the previous page. But that also doesn’t make complete sense, but this has to have been written before she killed four?

Some dates on these entries would have been very useful!

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  Ezi.

[Addison BornParticipant]

This is definitely a reach, but that “Kill one to save many” never explicitly mentions her intentions of killing Four.. What if Addison/GK2 is planning on killing GK1? Everyone seems terrified of One coming, maybe she’s going to end, and save many, it by killing One?

[EziParticipant]

@mike I also don’t think someone else physically wrote in the diary. I’m not an expert or anything, but the way she wrote certain letters were consistent throughout and I’m very sure it was only one hand that wrote the entries, some of them are definitely more disjointed, basically from after she started to wear the helmet, and the writing seems more hasty and uncoordinated from there. It could mean she was just more tired and confused while writing, or maybe it was some of Two or something else influencing it.

@mkarrett some of the pages seem to have been removed as she was writing the journal still (not just after she finished, but before they gave it to us I mean). At one point she mentiones it “I am forgetting things, I don’t know where yesterday went, my notes are gone pages of my book pages of my mind” It’s not clear whether she was the one who removed them herself or someone else. My money is on Four who removed them because maybe she revealed teachings in there that she wasn’t supposed to.

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

@lenize: Yes, I’d forgotten this. Some pages were definitely taken out as Addison was writing. Here’s that page you reference:

“…she has cleared me to make room for her teachings.” Sounds to me like Four removed those pages or at least her influence caused Addison to remove them.

[MikeParticipant]

First, let me apologize for the long read. It’s Sunday and I finally have time to do nothing. I went through her journal again, now that I had some actual time to sit, think, pay attention, and take specific notes (I skimmed through it very quickly when it was first released). I made some notes of things that are interesting (to me, maybe to you? maybe enough to start discussing it more?). Also, thank you again to @atticus360 for taking all the pictures and then uploading them and to @lenize for transcribing it! Having both options was super helpful when going back to it. Some things I probably looked WAY too into and the notes appear to be taken out of context, but at least it may have gotten people thinking and looking at something or thought differently about something they may have missed. This is more of a list of talking points than my opinion.

And here we go:

– Manifesting – Writing it down to make it happen. Write it down and believe it – Even though she says she got to the bus station by “doing”. Maybe deep down, she hopes what she writes will happen. This will come into play a few points down.
– only good with other people’s words (which is why she loves acting, she can be anyone and do anything) – I think this is VERY IMPORTANT. There’s lots of talk about her being Four’s puppet or that One is talking through her. Her acknowledging this, even back then, is huge. Maybe nothing she’s said has really been her own words?
– This notebook will mean something to someone. It’s so dark. – Foreshadowing t where we are now and where we’re going perhaps?
– Ask me again in 6 months (about being a movie star). Now I’m not 100% sure on this time line, but 6 months could be around the time of the first periscopes of her
– she mentioned her dad “threatening” to fly out. – A personality trait of Tom even back then?
– He’s a bit behind on technology – That explains his flip phone at the Mixer
– The photos were a bit misleading – Tom has showed us photos, could she have learned to deceive via pictures from him? He’s shown pictures to a lot of people…are they as they seem?
– maybe into a high rise or a sweet artsy loft – In one of the Periscopes with her in Four, she was definitely up in a high rise. Which makes me wonder if the OOA swiped this while she was writing it, to learn her desires and wishes and made them come true. Maybe this goes back to what she said about “writing it down to make it happen”? She wrote it down, and it happened.
– Dad denies Mom has a problem and denies she’s old enough to live alone – There’s something more to this, but can’t put my finger on it. Living in denial? Over protective? Wants to be the one in charge? Living a life of denial? All of the above?
– Three vertical lines all crossed out – Foreshadowing of III?
– Theatre professor told her how pretty and talented she was and she’d have no trouble in Hollywood – Sounds like it might be possible that she believes what she’s told and then does things based on this. Like, “oh you’ll have no problem” “Ok I’ll move to Hollywood.” She could possibly be easily manipulated. This comes into play many times. She gets convinced to do things based on getting buttered up.
– Lying to parents/Doesn’t want dad to fly out like she’s a child – She has something to prove, no matter what
– She deserved to be punished for being stupid – Self hate/self loathing. It’s already in her head that she “deserves” certain things if something dumb or bad happens.
– Dad doesn’t want her corrupted, she sees how it haappens to others, but won’t let it happen to her – Well it seems that she did get corrupted, just not in a sexual way like this entry. Possible “sleight of hand”…concentrate on “this”, while we do “this”?
– Used to win prizes for being dramatic – Hmm….is every Periscope an act?
– The break in story/paranoia – Is it paranoia? Is whatever problem her mom has (that she needs meds for) something Addison might have and not know it? Or…aliens?
– Can’t turn milk into foam if her life depended on it – foreshadowing a possible death? If we go with the theory that Gatekeepers die, maybe her future death could be at Starbucks? or having to do a certain task “or else”?
– Also being told she wasn’t peppy enough – @reaton and @111error have both mentioned a change in her demeanor when they have spoken. Gone from shy to more confident. Maybe this had something to do with it?
– How easy it is to lie to parents/Anything to keep them from the truth – Maybe she’s a better actress than she thought…or better than we all thought?
– Page torn our after talking about lying saying she’s devastated and needed help. What was on this page? Was it too much for her to look back on? Ashamed of something she did?
– The Craigslist ad about the apartment with the girl from the audition – Coincidence? Or something deeper? Perhaps this was all part of the plan to “get” her? Do research on her?
– Also, how the ad reads – “let’s support each other”. I wonder if Sadie is part of something bigger? How else could she afford rent on her own and tell Addy that she can pay whenever? If you need a roommate for rent, you won’t tell them it’s ok not to pay. Also, it says “Wanted”, not “needed”. So maybe she’s taken care of. Addy even says later on that “she must have money coming in from somewhere” because she hasn’t gotten any jobs either.
– Torn page after meeting Mark and says “Crying”
– Mark blows off the question of how he knows Sadie. – Maybe they’re in cahoots? Sadie finds the girls and Mark brings them to the OOA. Like in Hostel when they have the 2 girls do the same routine to gain the boys trust and leads them to the club.
– The first date – Mark gets her all smitten and charmed up and he brings up the OOA. Smooootthhhhh
– The mixer and how she got home – She didn’t tell the man where she lived and also didn’t remember getting into bed. If she drank, was it spiked? Was she just really tired or had a bad headache? There’s something more here…something sketchy I think
– Cell phone – the OOA gives her a cell phone. Could this be because they could tell she would be useful to them? That they could possibly manipulate her?
– Mark calling Sadie – another point in favor of this possibly being a routine
– Not landing any roles and she doesn’t see that changing – Maybe that is confirmation that “they got her”. She’s not getting gigs, she’s just another girl trying to be an actress. They may think she’s an easy target and now was the time to move on to the next step
– She goes to live at the OOA warehouse – could this be where Ascension is? Where Addy had her Periscopes with the man and the knife? Where she killed Four?
– When she became Attendant One, all of the fears/pressures of being Addison was gone. So it would make sense why she would want to become another person (GK2). After this entry we see a change for the better(?) She’s happy. She has faith in something and also herself. She’s ok with where she’s at.
– Mentioning One to GK5 – Maybe One signifies the end of the world? The end of the OOA? The end of something?
– Trying to interrupt her writing – “trying” or “purposely”? Maybe they know she’s writing about her experience and wants it to stop in case it gets out to the public?
– I don’t care what they stand for as long as they don’t push their beliefs on me – Very smart and well said, but also a false sense of security and a dangerous rope to walk
– Real friends now who don’t need to know her name to know who I am – Umm, shouldn’t friends know your name? I feel like this is more based on stature within the Institute. Like new people perhaps? Ohhh she’s been here longer! Respect!
– Social updating meeting – Sounds like the “hood event”.
– I want her to like me – Talking about GK4. Perhaps, she does anything to get this to happen?
– What is Tension? She later finds out that Tension is used to find recruits, but how did everyone get to the OOA before Tension? Are they all from out of town and moved here for the next chapter?
– No one has seen One, but they’re all afraid – Maybe this is more faith. Like how religious people are afraid at the mere mention of Satan, even though they’ve never seen him. They just believe he exists.
– The media room – I mentioned this earlier, but sounds like the radio room in Jonestown where they scan and look for news about themselves. So the OOA was doing this about Tension and then shuffled her away because “not ready”. Tension must be a HUGE deal for the OOA. Also, possible foreshadowing of her Periscope by the fire where she says “Four, I’m ready”.
– “hunting” people in Hollywood to take the fall – Perhaps this deals with the BoS video at Scare LA where we saw all the Hollywood people on the screen? They’ll get blamed for everything and then the “real” people behind the OOA/Tension will just move on?
– Mark trying to get her out – What changed his mind? Also, using a phrase her father used, were they in contact? Maybe Tom threatened him to get her out?
– She needed Four to look at her – Maybe because her mother is on medication and has a problem, she needs that motherly figure and needs her approval. That could explain a lot about the Four/Addy relationship.
– the hood of clarity – the same thing happened to many of us at the mixer. Hood/helmet on, count down from 10. I wonder if they did this to certain people that they thought they could trust? or people that had a future with the OOA?
– After Addy wears the helmet, her writing style changes
– I think I think what she wants me to think – this goes back to Addy saying she’s only good with other people’s words. Also, possibly the helmet did this or possible it’s a mental issue (despite her being convinced it IS the helmet/hood)
– I am her instrument – She is now acting for Four
– She says she doesn’t know for certain, but thinks it was her father that broke in – This coincides with what she told Russell on the phone about how she didn’t know if it was really her father.
– She says her mind is rejecting Four – Is it possible that any GK can control the thoughts of those that wear the helmet/hood? That could explain why she killed Four (III had her do it) and explain how One is speaking through her now
– She is going to kill everyone – Again, is this a true thought? or is III putting this in her head?
– Kill one to save many – was this Four talking about III or III talking about Four?
– She has read everything – Assumingly she means Four, but why would this be a big deal when she had nothing but affection (except the last few posts about her teachings being rejected and possibly killing her), but if it was that bad, why would Four still be with her and take her to the meeting with III?

So many questions and theories!

I feel that we should try to find Sadie, although that might be a lost cause. She will have information no one else would about Addy. She was the last possible “civilian” and she’s the only one who hasn’t been mentioned yet within Tension. It doesn’t say if Addy talked to her parents about her, but if they know about Mark, they should know about the roommate.

@111morgan – you mentioned that people have always said “she can choose what she wants for herself, she’s a strong woman that doesn’t need rescuing, etc” based on the “tumbleweed of reaction” (which, btw please read below). I was and am one of those people. After reading this diary, I still feel the same. All of the choices she made, she made on her own accord (based on the diary entries alone). She moved in with Sadie on her own, dated Mark on her own, moved into the OOA on her own, shared things at the OOA meetings on her own, etc etc. She didn’t have to do any of these things and could have gone home/left at any time. She’s stubbornly trying to reach her dream, which isn’t a criticism. I’m the same way. I’d live on the streets before admitting defeat and that this city got the best of me. Unfortunately, the story plays out like many 80s hair metal songs and those usually don’t end well. It seems she had her mind messed with at a certain point and then things were never the same for her.

Also, members of BoS – I don’t think it’s fair to guilt trip/shame people for not commenting or talking about her entries so quickly. It was a lot to take in and not many people have the time to just stop their life and read 60+ pages after a day and a half. If this was a week old, then sure, I totally get it, but after a day and a half? Give people some time/a weekend to catch up when they can before you try that tactic. This may not have been how you meant it, but that’s how it came across to me. Typical BoS 😉

[111_errorParticipant]

@mike She also contacted me on her own, hid from her captors and begged me to help on her own, told me how much pain she was in and broke down crying on her own, and informed some of us that she was unable to leave and was under constant observation, all on her own. These details don’t fit your cheery narrative, and so you discard them.

[MikeParticipant]

@111error – as I said, everything in my “cheery narrative” was based on the diary entries alone. What may have been said to you privately belongs in another discussion.

[BlondieParticipant]

@mike being part of BOS doesn’t mean a person doesn’t have many of the same thoughts you’ve outlined above… I don’t think you understand us at all

[MikeParticipant]

Not sure what you mean here. I’m making notes about things I saw and found intriguing in Addy’s diary. Some of those things may align with what you guys believe and others probably don’t. These are just talking points, not a “you’re right. you’re wrong” type of thing.

[BlondieParticipant]

@mike then quit with the BOS bashing… you’re beginning to sound like a broken record…

[DimStyleParticipant]

@mike I think you have a lot of good points here that as a group we can dig deeper into.

I think finding Sadie or information on her, her relation to Mark and if Mark really is dead.

I know I brought up the Mark maybe not dead earlier but have we been shown any real proof he is? All we have to go off of is someone saying he is.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  DimStyle.

[MikeParticipant]

@dimstyle – agreed! There were a lot of questions that were asked when we were told the information. What was told to Morgan was that he “suffered what may be a fatal injury that appears to be self inflicted” Original thread here

To me, that does not sound like a definite thing. As for Sadie, I checked Craigslist looking for a similar ad to see if she was still using it, but no dice. Let’s keep an eye out every few days and if we see something, maybe one of us could write and find out who is behind the ad (if it’s Sadie) and see where that goes.

[DimStyleParticipant]

@mike that is funny, the Craigslist thing. I did the same thing!

[MikeParticipant]

@dimstyle – Great minds my friend 😉

[DimStyleParticipant]

@mike I did just go and look again though…

Interesting post:

700ft2 -ROOMATE WANTED, FELLOW ACTRESS PREFERRED

“Hi! I’m Sarah! Let’s support each other!!!
Cozy apartment to share. Quiet clean female trying to make her way in Hollywood seeks same.

Rent Negotiable”

That add looks very familiar. Posted today, agailable August 20th

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  DimStyle.

[MikeParticipant]

@dimstyle – HELL YES! Good find! This was posted 15 minutes ago! I sent her an email, but not sure if I’ll get anywhere since I’m not a fellow actress. If we start getting replies, let’s make a new thread

[DimStyleParticipant]

@mike

Maybe @thegilded could move this info into a new post of its own if you hit something.

Also need to look back at Addisons diary…did it list an area that the apartment was located?

[DimStyleParticipant]

I wonder if this is the same Sarah Farber from the OOA

Again, the wording is VERY similar to the one in Addisons diary

View post on imgur.com

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  DimStyle.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  DimStyle.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  DimStyle.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  DimStyle.

[MikeParticipant]

Exactly! AND the name is another name that starts with “S”. Sadie, Sarah. Could be a coincidence, but maybe if this is a scam, the names get changed so people don’t catch on. Much like Mark is also known as Benny.

[DimStyleParticipant]

I am trying to post screenshot of ad now in case it goes missing

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

@mike said:

– The break in story/paranoia – Is it paranoia? Is whatever problem her mom has (that she needs meds for) something Addison might have and not know it? Or…aliens?

The Journal states that her mom is depressed:

I know she’s been depressed, and I know my wanting to leave home (leave her, she felt like) didn’t exactly help, and I don’t doubt that medication can be useful, but it’s too much now, and she can’t stop.

I have to take this at face value as Margaret taking medication for depression. This seems consistent with the woman I met at the hotel who was meek, low energy, appeared sad, etc. To jump to diagnoses of paranoia or (as was mentioned elsewhere on forum) schizophrenia seems to me to be an extremely long leap, especially when discussed as a potential genetic predisposition.

[Kimberly @ElectricHippoParticipant]

In the spirit of @mike‘s list of talking points, some of my miscellaneous thoughts:

Chanting – I would really like to know the purpose and content of the chanting. I wouldn’t think this is a big deal except for the fact the topic was deferred not once but twice just as the answer was about to be revealed.

Mark – At various points Mark comes across as possibly some sort of sketchy recruiter for OOA, as if his initial interest in Addison was more as a target than a nice girl he’d like to date. Mark also seems to have some secretive connection to Sadie. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d tried to recruit her to OOA as well. What exactly was Sadie so nervous about? What spooked Mark so much that he decided he needed to take Addison and run?

Purity meetings – This seems suspicious as Hell. What is OOA really doing with the names and addresses of recruits’ loved ones?

Anointment – Stripping her naked in front of a room of strangers is an honor, not a punishment?!

Four the actress – Four was an actress too. I really wonder about her back story. Did she come to LA similar to Addison, big dreams and naive perspective?

Four’s farewell letter – Addison says Four leaked the letter with all the notes so the good people could see and run. I’ve re-read Four’s letter and I’m not clear what truth we’re supposed to see that will make apostles want to run.

[MikeParticipant]

@electrichippo – thank you for this!

Chanting – I wonder if this was something that Gatekeeper 5 wanted. He talks about how it started when he entered the room and stopped when he left. If the Gatekeepers are in charge, maybe they have nuances that people under them must abide by? I’d like to know the purpose and meaning as well

Mark – there’s definitely something fishy about Mark. From what we were told in the past, it sounded like just an ex who got her into this, but in her journal, he sounds like he has a much bigger role and he searched her out purposely instead of having it be a “Hey we’re dating, I’m into this, check it out”. The way he acts at the events with her definitely screams sketchy.

Purity meetings – you just made something click. Addy says that Mark used a saying that her dad used. If Mark did speak to her dad, maybe this is how he got the information to do so

Anointment – I don’t know. Secret societies have many customs we’re not meant to understand. Addy seemed stoked on it. Maybe she know what Anointment entailed, maybe she didn’t. I don’t have enough information to say either way.

Four being an Actress – Another thing that you made click. She obviously knows Mark, and knows certain…”details” about his anatomy. I wonder if she follow the EXACT path Addison did. Did Four meet Mark and start dating him as well? Did Mark introduce Four to the OOA?

Four’s letter – I’m with you. I don’t understand what we’re supposed to see/understand

[EziParticipant]

What if Mark was originally just there to recruit, with the help of Sadie I suspect. She posts the add, gets some down on their luck girl (an easy mark) for the OOA to recruit. She makes friends with them, see’s what they like (all the late night talking) and then gives that information to Mark so he can easily seduce her, and then things proceed how we saw they did with Addison.

But what if in this case Mark actually fell in love with Addison (maybe he was the one who alerted her parents, he seemed to have talked to them at least) and then wanted to get her out, as he knew the more sinister side of the OOA and didn’t want her getting caught up in that.

[RustyParticipant]

Something I would like to point out about Mark. When I met Tom and Margaret at the hotel, Tom seemed angry with Mark and blamed him for much of the issues he believed Addison to be having. If I recall correctly, Tom believed Mark was present at many OOA meetings with Addison, including meetings were they were working on some form of possibly telepathic communication – involving the Hood of Clarity. (Tom did not use that phrase for it, though.)

Reading the diary, I get the sense that Mark disappears for a while. I am having trouble correlating what Tom said with the entries in the diary. After Addison moves into the room the OOA a provides, there is very little mention of Mark for a while. I wonder if this supports the idea that Mark did develop a real affection for Addison as @lenize and others have suggested.

That theory, in my opinion, supports what we know happened later. Including Gatekeeper 4’s intense reaction toward him when he reappeared. What if we interpret the little we know of Mark’s actions as the behavior of a man filled with grief over what he has done to a girl he truly cared for? He would’ve had some knowledge of One and perhaps he knew that a very dark end was coming for someone he now had genuine affection for but could not extricate her from a situation he placed her in. That’s quite a heavy burden to bear, if it’s true.

[AmieParticipant]

I’ve had some time since this was published and hearing some of you guys try to piece things together helps as well with the many questions this brings up. I can’t say if Addison had a mental illness and it seems like it could be possible but I don’t lean towards that. I think she was impressionable and naive and the helmet was the cause of the changes that came to her. I can’t argue about whether she needed help and at this point we’re beyond that. She is now @gatekeeper2 and whats been done is done. I wonder at what point she became a true believer as referenced in the email @kingkill33 received. If she was rejecting Four’s thoughts was it because The One was taking over her or III for that matter or did she come far enough along to have her own thoughts take back over and realize what Four was trying to accomplish wasn’t the way. I can see that the OOA looks quite poorly in light of this journal but I wonder when we’ve been told that there is still good there, is that @gatekeeper2? Is it The One? Is the One Anoch? A little bit of info always brings way more questions.

[PuppetGirlParticipant]

I’ve only read the first few pages of Addisons journal and honestly I find it hard to like her. It infuriates me when people think they can just move to LA to be an actor and it’ll be easy, that they will book work without an agent and get by on looks and talent. It takes a lot of hard work. It’s so disrespectful to those of us that are actually here to work and pursue a career to think that way. I haven’t been able to continue to read because frankly I don’t like her and reading so far has only angered me.

(I know I’ve been out of the loop lately, but I’ve been busy pursuing my acting career and other life stuff and haven’t had time to keep up with everything Tension. For those of you that don’t know me, I’m a very nice person even though I’m sure this post seems quite cold.)

[AmieParticipant]

@puppetgirl As someone who works in the industry I can see why that would upset you, but she never comes off to me as someone who felt like she was owed something. She comes off as young and naive and out of touch with some of the realities of the world. I don’t hold this against her, it just makes me understand how she could have come to the situation she ended up in. I hope you’ll be able to continue to read on further!

[PuppetGirlParticipant]

So I did finish reading it. I still don’t like her. I am also not convinced she wants to be rescued.

[AmieParticipant]

I’m glad you finished it. Whether you like her or not it certainly opens up more dialog about what’s going on within the Institute and I think that’s important! Whether she wanted to be helped before, it’s hard to say. I believe there may have been a point she wanted help, but I don’t know that anyone here could have given it to her. I don’t think she needs rescuing now, it feels like she is looking for support. That isn’t to say she isn’t in danger though.

[BlondieParticipant]

People don’t always want what’s best for them…

[AmieParticipant]

This is very true! @blondiecamps

[BlondieParticipant]

@puppetgirl I’ve always been a pretty outspoken critic of Addison and I know what you mean about the opening of the diary (although not because I know anything about the industry, just that level of naivety really grates on me). But I kept on going because I felt I had to see it through. And you know what, by the end I didn’t hate her anymore… My view is now very similar to Amie’s… Doesn’t mean I’m a fangirl now but I feel I understand her a little more. Give it a shot if you have time.

[MichelleParticipant]

@puppetgirl I’m with you all the way. There is something about Addison that rubs me the wrong way. I personally don’t care for her. But, that doesn’t mean I wish her harm and I do feel she’s in need of help. I think she was a girl who was naive AF and believed all the people in her life, from teachers to family members, that she would arrive in Hollywood and land a major motion picture without putting in the work or time. She was given false hope. So, she came to a city that was too big and too fast for her. It chewed her up and spit her out almost the second she stepped off the bus.

I agree, for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to be rescued, not now that she’s @gatekeeper2. She’s in Gatekeeper mode.

I would also like to find Sadie. I think Sadie is a big piece to the Addison puzzle. I believe she could shed a lot of light on Addison. Here’s a question/theory that I have… Do we even know if Sadie actually wrote that note to Addison? Addison was ready to wait for Sadie and talk to her about throwing her out. She thought of her as a friend. Could someone else had written the note and stuck it under the door for Addison? Is Sadie part of the OOA and it was her job to lure Addison in? What’s her relationship with Mark too?

As you can see I have a lot of questions regarding Sadie and her part in all of this because there is too much that isn’t adding up.

Another piece that’s bothering me about Addison is her inability to get a job outside of acting. Hourly paying jobs in LA shouldn’t be difficult to come by. I imagine she could have gotten a job as a hostess or a waitress, maybe a receptionist. She’s young, pretty, smart enough to work at a local restaurant, hair salon, bar, etc… She chose to live off of someone else who she barely knew in order to pursue a career in acting and she didn’t even have an agent yet. I don’t get that at all. Maybe that’s another nod to how naive she was.

Sadie…
If you are out there, maybe you’re lurking the boards under a new user, please reach out to one of us.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  Michelle.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  Michelle.

[AH-layParticipant]

It is an unpopular thing here to not like Addison like most people do. Some “feel” for her on a personal level which unlike @blondiecamps and myself (who signed up for Tension at the same time), do not. We haven’t seen her or interacted in person with her, we have just go by what old threads say or the periscopes we’ve gotten to see. Has she changed? Yes, we’ve seen her change. Do we think of her as naive? Yes we do, but I know that she has had many opportunities to run away from this and she keeps deciding not to, and it is shown in the diary. I don’t see her talk about friends back home (or did she?), I know that if I were to be her friend, I would do what most friends do when they see something you can’t: give you their input and concern while being supportive, which is what @111error and @reaton have done. But I wish that in the beginning she had one of those friends that are brutally honest to maybe help her out in her confusion and naiveness. I can only imagine and speculate that Addison was not a person with many friends, the OOA gave her a sense of belonging. I wouldn’t be a friend to @gatekeeper2 (because to me, any beliefs the OOA and Anoch have are nonsense) but I would never deny any help to Addison, the girl. She is a victim of the OOA due to her bad choices. She fell hard, they turned her into a murderer. They made her lose who sense of who she was.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  AH-lay.

[BlondieParticipant]

@aleocotillo *high five* <3

[PuppetGirlParticipant]

Well I’ve never really been very popular among the masses. Just ask the rest of my high school. 😜

[BlondieParticipant]

It’s really weird cos for a while I felt like only myself and Ale didn’t like Addison, or at least we were the only ones to be critical of her and question whether she was truly a victim… and now I’ve thawed on her, you’re all coming out of the woodwork How strange that the diary could have such different effects on people…

[sisyphusParticipant]

Reminds me of a certain cult started by a hack science fiction writer on a $20 bet from Heinlein.

[PuppetGirlParticipant]

I don’t know if they are quite as warm and welcoming as OOA. I did course for a short time and never felt welcomed. They certainly haven’t let go gracefully either. I still can’t get removed from their mailing, email and call lists. I’ve tried repeatedly. I even returned the mail with wrong address written on it. Nothing seems to work.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by  PuppetGirl.

[Addison BornParticipant]

Hey @atticus360 – you still have the journal, right? Would you be down to grab high res scans of the pages for posterity? I and I’m sure many others would love to have a copy in the highest quality possible, since it seems like there’s a lot of context to be gained from the way the words were written that can’t be conveyed in a transcript, you know? I feel like that’s why you were given the actual handwritten journal and not just an email with it all typed out.

[CodyParticipant]

Hmm, Late to the party. I have been trying to remain up to date
with great difficulty. Life has been rather hectic as of late.
Seems as though the majority of my sentiments and questions have already been addressed/exoressed by everyone.
The journal left me happy for my stance with BOS and as everything else about tension, I am left with 100’s of questions.
So we were all to be murdered by 4 eh?
Curious if this was a sanctioned plan or just a plan 4 had made while being rogue. I recall the OOA being anxious and hoping for 4’s return during the 3 shenanigans.
The groups of women… the chants… the alleged recruitment methods, fishing or flirtsy fishing(as I’ve heard it referred to by other cults in the past),The drugging and waking up in bed, the stripping of identity as well as the removal of privacy, all seem to point to definite cult like activity and indoctrination methods.
Now where is the rice/ low vitamin diet to accompany it all. haha
I’m really curious about the missing pages as well.
I have a feeling that we will never know what they said.
I suppose time will tell.

[Author]

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