Mustafa Said posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago
This probably isn’t the smartest question to ask these days but I can’t help it.
@gatekeeper3: You didn’t always act in the manner you do now. What happened to you?
What happened to the gatekeeper who reached out and gave me advice at a time when I needed it?
What happened to the gatekeeper who told me that “true depression is as a human cold in that if you can not cure it perhaps you can alleviate the symptoms.”?
I haven’t forgotten that message.
What happened to the gatekeeper who counseled me to “speak with what they call friends”? To “don’t force it and be patient with yourself”?
I haven’t forgotten this.
The message remains timeless to me but the messenger has changed.
You’re the one who inspired me when I needed it. Your message remains with me. I’ve MADE those friends and care about them so much, even though I may never meet them.
Why? Why are you the way you are?
@mumumusings: I haven’t forgotten III’s messages to you either. They are a large part of why I have kept an open mind in my personal dealings with him. I think the answer you seek has to do with the concept of gray rather than strictly of black versus white. Perhaps III has done very bad things. This doesn’t mean he can’t also do very good things.
Yea. That’s the thing-even though he’s done some pretty wild and dangerous stuff, I’m just not fully able to accept that he’s as evil as some make him out to be. Somehow, I’ve still got faith in someone like III. I’m not sure what that says about me.
On the other hand, he’s threatening the OOA…I have been changed in a way because of my journey with the OOA. I don’t think I’d be as different as I am it I wasn’t willing to walk this _path that they’ve introduced me to. I just can’t ignore that III wants to hurt this thing that I have come to care about so much.
I feel conflicted.