I am deeply apologetic that I’m God awful at picking up your phone calls. I usually keep my phones on silent, which seems to drive pretty much everyone trying to get a hold of me bat sh*t nuts. There is actually a deeply personal reason for this (I know how much you love the dark twisted feelings we can’t even admit to our closest friends). However, in light of my devotion to you, I have turned my ringers on in your favor. Please feel free to give me a call anytime you like. Unless I’m in a meeting and my boss looks like she’s about to light me on fire if I answer, or I’m in the throes of passion, I will pick up. Actually I take back the latter, I could probably still make that work. Looking forward to our communications.