[BethParticipant]

First of all, hello. Nice to meet everyone! I visited the OOA on Friday night and haven’t been able to get it out of my head ever since. I’m on a plane flying back home to New York, and still I’m thinking about it, two people in particular.

I’m about to be pretty candid so spoilers, spoilers,spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers,spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, etc. I hope this is enough. I’m literally typing this up on my phone.

I spent most of my time on Friday with Sadie and another Handler who identified herself as Sharon, I believe. (She whispered it to me while Simon had his back turned.)

Wherever Addison would enter a room we were in, Sadie would try to hide herself by turning towards a wall or pressing her face to the furniture. She seemed genuinely terrified. When she told me her name, I asked if she had been Addison’s roommate. When I said the name, her face went cold. She looked as though she’d stopped breathing.

She asked how I knew Addison, voice very small and afraid, and when I told her that I only knew of Addison, that her father had emailed me a few days prior — with a photo of Addison and a link to her journal — she said that Addison was very lucky to have people still looking for her. She seemed confused about time, no idea at all how long either of them had been there, but convinced her parents had probably given up hope on her. Or perhaps she might have given up on herself.

Both Sharon and Sadie gave me advice on how to keep safe and in the good graces of the others. I did my best to follow their instructions. Sadie said that I was kind. Sharon told me I was strong and brave, which I don’t always feel, but I wanted to be brave and strong for them. I could feel that.

When I was placed on stage at the end, I was glad to see both of them there. I was glad it was Sharon with her hands at my shoulders. She had told me the OOA helped get her clean from addiction. “There are worse things,” I’d said.

“Yeah,” she laughed, without any humor. “There really are.”

She had told me that the thing she hated most about me was that I was here at all.

The thing I hated most is that when I left, they were still there.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by  Beth.

[BethParticipant]

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Interestingly, there’s a lady in a red dress at both locations. The one at the McKittrick can send you off on little errands and assignments that result in new discoveries. For a short time, there was a quest that feels central to the mythology of the Hotel. A search for something. People still speak about it with reverence, because only a select few managed to complete it (you can count them on one hand), but as far as anyone knows, though she still makes the demand, the item in question has been absent from the hotel for years. I would agree that the experience there is largely passive, for the residents as well as visitors.

Even the parts of Tension that demand obedience are so active. You are choosing to submit to the course of events. It never quite feels passive, even when you are allowing events to proceed as they will.

[BethParticipant]

I actually spent Halloween at that very hotel and spent (probably excessively) large portions of my night raving to every single regular attendee I know about what is happening out there in LA. I think a few of them understood, but it’s honestly hard to comprehend until you’re inside it.

I’ve checked into the hotel often enough that when people ask for a number I usually say “too many” and leave it at that. But what happened at Ascension was so fully and completely new that I honestly don’t have the words for it.

[BethParticipant]

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It’s really hard to know for certain without knowing precisely what has happened at everyone else’s show, but I know during our ceremony specifically the Handlers made a reference to how many failures there had already been and how many lives they have taken. Have they been saying that at every Ascension? Obviously, I don’t know! And I suppose we can assume that there are attempts to find Oracles that are happening when we aren’t looking. If a tree falls, etc.

I do think there are some things that reset. We have “actresses” acknowledging that there are false things taking place. But could they have really found an Oracle during a ceremony before this and nobody knew? No one? No one in that crowd was so moved that they sought out these forums?

I think it’s possible that the Oracle might not be real, certainly. But I do believe we are meant to know she exists and are meant to take her as real, without a reset. They knew who would be present. They knew the story would make its way here. Even if it is false, it is deliberate.

And as for that inspirational hotel in New York City @lmsmedley: I’ve stayed there many, many times myself and I can tell you that what happens at Ascension is far more ambitious and complex. I don’t think you can look to the three loop structure for any answers and if the quest you’re speaking of is the one I think it is, it does not allow for anywhere near the level of variance that can be found here and has not existed in that building for nearly four years. That hotel is about the helplessness of a middle state while Ascension is about what becomes of humans when they attempt to seize or surrender full control. One is stagnate while the other still seems to be growing.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by  Beth.

[BethParticipant]

Simon and I talked a while about expectations and how easily people give up on their own dreams and desires. He said that he joined the Marines because it’s what his parents wanted for him. He seemed to suggest that he joined the OOA because it’s what he wanted for himself.

[BethParticipant]

Whether or not they’re the same person, I’m not entirely convinced “Sadie” was the roommate’s birth name when she first met Addison. If we believe she was already working for the OOA, there’s no reason to be sure that was her original name. I’m not really sure anyone uses their real name there.

Though I suppose if you choose it for yourself or choose to at least own it fully, any name is real enough, even if it’s not the one you began with.

[BethParticipant]

Simon actually mentioned this to me on Friday night. The guy definitely succeeded, from what he said.

“Some British cunt” (only description he offered) sucker punched him before the man was promptly thrown out. He didn’t make it sound nearly that recent, but it’s really hard to say with Simon, I guess.

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