[MichelleParticipant]

If chosen, I would love to attend.

Michelle Franklin

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by  Michelle.

[MichelleParticipant]

@blondiecamps

I needed to take a few days and reassess where I’m at on this. If I had shot off a response immediately, it would have come across as bitchy & emotional. Quite honestly, I was ready to jump down the throat of @aleocotillo for the way she treated @monkeymuffin333 – whom I consider an OOG friend. This isn’t to rehash anything about the journal but to honestly piggyback off of something that Susie brought up the other day that spoke volumes to me.

But, first, I never said I expected this to be “Hearts and Flowers” so I don’t know where that assumption is coming from. I am a Blackout survivor afterall. 😉 And, I don’t believe that anyone here would disagree with you that life doesn’t come without anger, pain, or resentment. Trust me, my life over the last year and a half has been a nightmare where the only thing to get me through the night at times has been a Xanax.

I’m going to share a very personal story. All you need to know is that my ex husband and I were separated. I thought we were in the middle of a reconciliation. However, he took “just a friend” over to his parents house because she “needed a place to crash.” My mother-in-law not only allowed her to spend the night, she allowed them to sleep in the same bedroom. When I confronted her about it, just like I’ve seen here, she deflected blame. It wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t be mad that she didn’t try to talk my husband out of it, my husband for 20 years, because she thought they were “just friends.” She didn’t apologize for her part in hurting me because, in her eyes, she wasn’t the one who hurt me. But, what I told her applies to Tension, how we treat people, our actions, is a direct reflection of our character. We aren’t performing in a “movie.” There isn’t a director calling “cut” and the scene ends. Throughout this experience people’s emotions have been called into play and it’s gotten personal. It’s one of the things that has made this experience so beautiful but also so ugly at times. People forget that, to varying degrees, we are emotionally invested in this. I’ve been wrapped up in this since April and have spent countless hours on it, have met and hung out with incredible people. How can I not be emotionally invested?

I’ve seen a lot of changes here that bother me. I’ve seen good people that I’ve become friends with OOG scale back their involvement because they can’t stand the drama and the way people are being attacked and treated. I’ve become hesitant to express an opinion that’s in opposition to BoS because I feel as though I’ll be attacked. I don’t think everyone in BoS is a bad apple but there are quite a few who need to slow their rolls at times. And, I expect someone to attack me after this post.

I have an issue with people deflecting blame and not taking ownership of what they’ve done. I’ve seen a lot of childish behavior, a lot of disrespectful and rude behavior all in the name of the game. I don’t like seeing someone being aggressively attacked and then a few posts later the attacker is saying “no hard feelings, I was just IG.” This has happened so much over the last few months. In the past, there was banter, debate, discussions and, even when some of them got heated, it was obvious it wasn’t personal. Now, it’s become a little difficult to tell at times. I know when I’m IG, I’m still me. I don’t become an uber asshole or psychotic bitch.

Susie just mentioned she almost left the boards the other day. Megan has scaled back her involvement. Max isn’t as dedicated anymore. I see others who used to be so involved and in love with this experience pulling back a little for one reason or another. That’s sad. To say that someone shouldn’t expect hearts and flowers just boggles my mind because a lot of the people who are pulling back aren’t unfamiliar with the haunt community. They’re just sick of the unnecessary drama. Sometimes it feels like high school in here.

I love a lively debate. Fuck, I thrive in that shit. But I won’t subject myself to being verbally attacked in a way that is disrespectful or personal. I also won’t stand for someone being two steps shy of calling me stupid because I have a life and can’t log on every minute of the day to be caught up on all things Tension. I hope that the personal attacks, bitchiness, and assholery stops. Otherwise, once Ascension happens, I’ll probably only become a ticketed participant and not so much involved on the boards as I was leading up to Ascension. You run out all of the Anti-BoS people from the forums, it’s not going to be that much fun here anymore.

I hope that people don’t take this wanting to stir the pot. I truly don’t want that. Maybe now that I’ve said my peace, I’ll be able to move onwards and want to participate again. I adore so many people here and have enjoyed the company of many of you and look forward to being able to see, hang out with some of you again.

[MichelleParticipant]

Wow. @atticus360 and @coryphella. I am completely taken back by what has happened. I had spent a long time crafting a post about where I stood on everything. I was ready to take a side. But, this has truly thrown me into a tailspin. Was the journal taken from Max with the intention of never returning it? I mean, if so, that is a bit underhanded to say the least. I think it’s fair to say that there is no intention of returning the journal from the FB post. The “OUR” is a pretty bold statement of ownership.

[MichelleParticipant]

@medeall Mine came at 2:45. No Caller ID. I missed it too. I was in a doctor’s appointment.

[MichelleParticipant]

You are so awesome @monkeymuffin333! So talented too:)

[MichelleParticipant]

@electrichippo

I too have been silent on the diary. I’ve been trying to process everything I’ve read. Haunted is the perfect word – not overdramatic in the least. I’ve read it over maybe 3 times and still am not sure what I’m feeling. I’m still processing all of this. I’m lurking the boards, reading, and thinking. I’ve been a longtime fence sitter. But, without revealing anything, for the first time, I’m feeling a pull towards one side. I just want to make sure that I’m choosing what’s right for me… I certainly do not want to be someone who chooses and then jumps ship. Once my choice is made, it is final.

My silence does not equate apathy though.

[MichelleParticipant]

@mcolyard If the journal is supposed to be returned within 5 days…a couple pages a day will not suffice. I don’t know what this journal means for those of us attending Ascension but I do believe there’s information in there that is pertinent. If the journal does in fact need to be returned in a few days, what happens if those pages haven’t been revealed yet? Time is of essence. It makes sense that the journal would need to be returned before Ascension rather than after. This is about getting the journal to the community not making sure everyone has a chance to create a piece of art.

None of us were there with Max and @regent7. They are the only two who are able to clarify for us. But, @regent7 wanted this journal revealed to the community. I can’t imagine the uproar if the journal was indeed needed to be returned in a few days and the remaining pages were not posted.

Playing devil’s advocate: @electrichippo & @111error is it possible that there has been some manipulation on the amount of time the journal is in Max’s hands? Could he have been told one thing and BoS another? I know you’ve pretty much hit the nail on the head when it comes to info. But, I don’t know, could there be someone throwing a wrench in order to split the community even more?

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by  Michelle.

[MichelleParticipant]

@atticus360 I said it before, I’ll say it again, I thought it was a dickmove. I don’t care if my opinion pisses anyone off in BoS either. The fact you handed that over in good faith expecting it’s return and you’re expected to not feel betrayed because BoS is TENSION leaves me shaking my head and rolling my eyes. I’m going to stop ONLY because @thegilded has asked us to play nice. But, a lot of things that have occurred since the get together at Derek’s left me feeling a bit detached from the experience. Sending you a big hug, Max.

[MichelleParticipant]

@thebuz This made me smile hugely. Thank you.

[MichelleParticipant]

It’s my impression by @atticus360 post that the journal will not be returned to him. Which yes, @mkarrett, it is a dick move. I am under the impression just like @reaton that the journal was ONLY taken to create high res scans. That is the way it was presented here and, I believe, to Max. I’m sure if there was any hint that he couldn’t trust Mike, he would have never handed the journal over.

[MichelleParticipant]

Me too. Mine was at 2:02. Bravo to them staying IG just to fix the timeslot. Mary was stressed because of the timeslot I was in. She told me that she knows about me and has kept an eye on me and the 8:30 slot is just too dangerous for me to attend. I needed to choose another slot.

[MichelleParticipant]

@puppetgirl I’m with you all the way. There is something about Addison that rubs me the wrong way. I personally don’t care for her. But, that doesn’t mean I wish her harm and I do feel she’s in need of help. I think she was a girl who was naive AF and believed all the people in her life, from teachers to family members, that she would arrive in Hollywood and land a major motion picture without putting in the work or time. She was given false hope. So, she came to a city that was too big and too fast for her. It chewed her up and spit her out almost the second she stepped off the bus.

I agree, for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to be rescued, not now that she’s @gatekeeper2. She’s in Gatekeeper mode.

I would also like to find Sadie. I think Sadie is a big piece to the Addison puzzle. I believe she could shed a lot of light on Addison. Here’s a question/theory that I have… Do we even know if Sadie actually wrote that note to Addison? Addison was ready to wait for Sadie and talk to her about throwing her out. She thought of her as a friend. Could someone else had written the note and stuck it under the door for Addison? Is Sadie part of the OOA and it was her job to lure Addison in? What’s her relationship with Mark too?

As you can see I have a lot of questions regarding Sadie and her part in all of this because there is too much that isn’t adding up.

Another piece that’s bothering me about Addison is her inability to get a job outside of acting. Hourly paying jobs in LA shouldn’t be difficult to come by. I imagine she could have gotten a job as a hostess or a waitress, maybe a receptionist. She’s young, pretty, smart enough to work at a local restaurant, hair salon, bar, etc… She chose to live off of someone else who she barely knew in order to pursue a career in acting and she didn’t even have an agent yet. I don’t get that at all. Maybe that’s another nod to how naive she was.

Sadie…
If you are out there, maybe you’re lurking the boards under a new user, please reach out to one of us.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by  Michelle.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by  Michelle.

[MichelleParticipant]

I’m sorry, @atticus360, if I came across as being a naysayer or negative. It wasn’t my intention. You took on a great responsibility and, as I learned last night, you did not have to share that with any of us. Thank you for posting the pages. You given me, as I am sure many within the community, a lot to digest and process. As I said the other day, your idea was genius and wonderful. Unfortunately, time wasn’t on our side. I agree with @endlesspictures… maybe those who want to take a piece of the journal and turn it into something more visual may still do so.

[MichelleParticipant]

@111error I shouted out an expletive that would most likely offend at least one person here so I will keep it to myself but WHAT!?! Seriously, he has to return the journal in now, what is it, 3 days????

I’m with @mike, which I do believe he is one of the truest voices of reason here, there is most likely information that we as a community need and need ASAP. I personally did not step up and ask for a page because I knew I could not turn out a video or piece of art quick enough. I agree that it’s nice that some of the newer people are being given an opportunity to get their feet wet and be noticed but if this journal must be returned within just a few days, Max, it needs to be uploaded asap.

Is it true that the journal is 60 something pages? and we’ve only gotten through 13? Time is of essence.

Getting side tracked… @monkeymuffin333 You are adored and loved. Sending you the biggest hugs. xx

[MichelleParticipant]

Right!?! I turned off chat because of that. So when someone Periscopes are random people able to find the broadcast? That’s just weird. (I know off topic)

[Author]

Posts